Last week, we clued you in to all the annoying things that couples must cease doing on Facebook.
This week, we're taking a
look at the other side of the coin. What should you do about all the
digital remnants of a relationship when you're no longer flitting
through fields, holding hands and weaving flowers Lady Chatterley's
Lover-like into one another's various expanses of hair? (i.e., after
you've broken up.)
A quick story that's not
specifically true but is likely true for many a person: Suzie has a new
beau, Johnny, and they are, oh, so in love. Like, two straws, one
milkshake in love. And Suzie detests sharing because she's an only
child, so you know that's big.
Naturally, the two become
Facebook friends, because, well, the site has 900 million users and
based on Lord Zuckerberg's official decree, you don't actually KNOW
anyone until you click "friend." Suzie is happily clicking through
Johnny's pictures and scrolling through his timeline when she notices a
girl named Sally has commented on quite a few snaps and left wall posts
with some quite explicit descriptions of what she wants to do to his
sloped-shoulder physique.
Facebook: Is now the right time to buy?
Facebook's history remains unwritten
Suzie is thrown into a
rage that only the most only of only children can make manifest, then
she realizes that the posts are from two years back.
The next time she and
Johnny are slurping some frozen milk she asks for the story, and Johnny
reveals that Sally was his old flame, a college sweetheart who has long
since lost the sweetness and acquired a whip (the accessory of choice
for anyone in her rather dominating profession).
Suzie heaves a sigh of
relief but still finds herself haunted by Sally's vinyl-swaddled ghost,
wondering what Sal had that she lacks, and what macabre moves Johnny
might be into. The couple splits over (banana) splits just weeks later.
It's a science-proven fact (or, at least, there's a study
supporting it): Social networks like Facebook increase jealousy, partly
because information is much more accessible, and that information can
often be ambiguous. Our lives are now on display for all the world to
see, but often we're not there to explain ourselves when our most loved
of loved ones are perusing.
That's why we're
suggesting this week that our readers do a little bit of a purge. You
likely have years' worth of romantic failure riddled throughout your
Facebook profile -- old pictures, wall posts, comments, messages -- and
it's not really a good look.
It's basically the
digital equivalent of having a box of your ex's stuff, but instead of
hiding it in your closet, you're displaying it in your living room for
all visitors and cable men to see. And see it they will -- a recent study by Seventeen magazine shows that 60% of respondents look at romantic interests' Facebook profiles daily.
We get that you might
want to hold onto some of these memories. We wouldn't ask you to throw
away every old love letter or snapshot in your closet, but there's a
more discrete way to do so. Download your Facebook profile for safekeeping.
That way you'll have a record of all photos, messages, wall posts and
comments you may have received from a former beau. Once you have done
so, it's time to wipe that slate clean once and for all.
Here's how:
1). Put your status in stealth
Don't go down the winding road that is "making it Facebook official" in the first place, even though most couples reportedly do.
Not only is changing
your status back after the breakup horrible and humiliating, Facebook
Timeline makes it way too easy to scroll back and see activity like
relationship reduxes. When it comes to what the sitcoms whimsically call
"The Ex Files," let your mouth do the talking, not some post from June
4, 2011.
Note: It's totally fine
to change your status to "married," since that's likely not changing any
time soon (we hope). However, apparently close to 50% of brides (of those surveyed) do so BEFORE the wedding, which we wouldn't recommend. Cold feet, anyone?
2). Untag, untag, untag
After you take any and
all pictures of you and your former off of Facebook (this is kind of a
given, why would anyone keep public pics of long-dead lip locks on
public display?), untag pictures where the two of you look cozy from
friends' galleries.
You might even want to
ask pals to take them down wholesale. As we said, you don't have to get
rid of said pics (download your profile or particular pictures), but no
one wants to see their new hand-holder holding hands with someone old.
3). Silence old comments
We're not suggesting
that you go through every picture and post and purge your ex's
exclamations, but perhaps deep six any lengthy epistles or outpourings
of love.
If your new squeeze is
turned off by an errant comment on an early college snap in which you're
sporting flared jeans and pigtails, s/he's probably too jealous anyway.
And blind, apparently, because that rhinestone top you're wearing is
the real mood killer.
4). Unfriend exes
Now this is a tough one.
A lot of you out there purport to be friends with your ex. We believe
you. This is totally possible. We've seen such cases with our own jaded
eyes. But you are not, my friend, pals with each and every person you've
ever dated, so why are they still hanging around on Facebook, liking
your snaps and writing "haha" on your most witty of witty posts?
Here's a good litmus
test: Do you refer to these "friends" as "my ex so and so" or "my friend
so and so?" If it's the former -- and you never actually hang with this
person IRL -- it's time to kill this digital sham of a friendship.
Source: CNN
